Intimacy or Sextamcy?

Sometimes you just have to look in the mirror and say “thank you God for growth” because the old me should be shook from the women I am becoming!

I remember during my single times never getting to know me and who I truly was. I always had to be in relationship or with a man sexually. To me, if I didn’t, I did not feel validated. I looked for the male to validate me, and I was not validating myself.

I would accept less than just to feel that intimacy for a second. But was it true intimacy or sextamcy? I would have sex just to feel good for the moment, but afterwards, I would feel empty inside. The feeling of emptiness weighed more than the small moments of feeling good.

I understand everyone’s wants are different. I knew what I wanted, and I knew what I felt. I was tired of feeling good temporarily. I wanted true love. I wanted a long lasting connection. I wanted commitment. I wanted only what God wanted for me! It was time to make better choices and embrace the journey before I got what I wanted.

During this journey, it was time to cut all the men off and focus on me. I am focusing on my relationship with God. When it’s just you and God, that means your faith has to grow. I focused more on who I truly was, my likes/ dislikes, my emotional state , how I deal with money, how I deal with stress, how I can grow as a mother, where I want to go in life.

My primary focus became my priorities. I have been spending time and creating great relationships with my kids. I have been focusing more on self-love and taking care of me. True love is out there! A lot of ladies, like myself, struggle or struggled with not feeling validated from a man or because we have been single for a while, or just simply because it can be hard to date. I want to tell you to take your time and learn about you. Get wrapped up in enjoying and learning you because you want that glow that comes from within, not just from a happy relationship. You want to be able to add value and be the best version of you!